The Criteria

In accordance with our innovative scientific scoring system, each movie is rated from 0-10 in 10 different categories:
  • Ambition

This is the most important category in judging the worth of a shitty movie. No great movie, not even a great shitty movie, can be created without effort. It’s easy to pop-out a “Scary Movie”-style bundle of references every year or some sexy vampire tween porn. But to truly go for it…to attempt to create a modern cinematic masterpiece…and to fail so spectacularly…that is the realm of shitty movie magic.

  • Presentability
It’s our belief that the enjoyment of shitty movies should be a communal affair. There’s nothing worse than turning to nudge your friend after an especially shitty moment and realizing that you are in fact alone again on a Friday night watching “Glitter.” This category rates how the movie lends itself to a planned event, ranging from a drinking game to the full-out Rocky Horror treatment.

  • Sex and Violence

Exploitive uses of gore and doin’ it are two of the greatest joys of shitty movie enjoyment. Points are awarded for creativity, lack-of-taste and ballsiness (literally and figuratively).

  • Performance
Points go not so much to bad acting as to truley insane acting. Actors scoring high in the category are most likely sociopaths who have difficulty with real life interactions, let alone scripted ones. Extra points awarded for “Ali Larterism:” performers who seem to lack a basic comprehension of the English language, and have built careers by sounding-out words phonetically
off of a cue card.
  • Datability
Will this movie fuck on a first date? Seriously though, this category rates to what extent the movie represents the time period in which it was made. Is it blessed with bizarre 70’s outfits? A trashy 80’s soundtrack? Or is it so generic and bland that it sucks equally in every decade?
  • Script

Points are awarded to dialogue and situations that are truly bizarre, random or otherwise seem badly translated from a lost alien language.

  • Relevance
The degree to which the movie attempts to make a social comment, albeit a off-base/idiotic one. Like the warning of a crazy old man (a classic shitty movie trope) these messages are often laughed off due to the insane/retarded way in which they are delivered…but are no less valid.
  • Originality
This is a tricky one. At this point in history, most everything has been done to death, including bad movie appreciation blogs. Movies have to really go for it if they’re going to show us something we’ve never seen. This is where we seperate the murdering Santas (yawn) from the canibalistic-turkey-headed-pot-smoking monsters (intriguing).
  • Cinematography
You don’t need to be James Cameron to do freaky shit with a camera. Extra points for inventiveness and accidental brilliance.
  • Production Design
This includes ridiculous music, pathetic costumes and
wildly implausible sets. Again, movies don’t have to have a big budget to score well here, but creative uses of food dye and stretch pants are generously rewarded.

ADDITIONAL CRITERIA

We reserve the right to judge the movie further using whatever we feel like, including but not limited to expressing the movie as a haiku, a limerick, a sea shanty, generating alternative titles or suggesting food pairings.

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