The Scoring

After a movie is given a score from 1 to 10 in each category, the points are tallied to produce a total grade from 0-100 that is analogous to a shitty experience, ranging from the vile to the sublime:

  • 0-10: Having a bout of explosive diarrhea in a public place

Utterly humiliating. Nothing good can come of this.

  • 11-20: Colon cancer accompanied by persistent rectal bleeding

Painful, embarrassing, plus it will eventually kill you.

  • 21-30: Severe constipation necessitating multiple enemas

Extremely uncomfortable and potentially quite degrading if you don’t administer your own.

  • 31-40: Finding a turd in the upper tank of your toilet

Lame…but it makes for a funny story.

  • 41-50: Using a public restroom with no toilet paper and being forced into Macgyver-like improvisation.

Exciting, but ultimately unfulfilling and most-likely resulting in disease.

  • 51-60: Changing a poopy diaper on your demented grandmother

Smelly and disturbing, but somebody’s gotta change Grandma.

  • 61-70: Changing a babies diaper

Smelly, but we hear raising children is rewarding, so…

  • 71-80: Picking up dog shit

This is one of the nastier aspects of owning a dog, but the positive outweighs the negative.

  • 81-90: Taking a crap on something you hate

Very satisfying and funny. Although you may lose some self-respect.

  • 91-100: A solid, satisfying, wipeless BM in the comfort of your own home

Nothing compares.


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